No matter where you look on the internet, someone right now is posting something about how men need to stop sexually harassing women. It’s about taking up “too much space” on public transportation, or passing a laughably stupid “affirmative consent” law, or maybe even about how we make eye contact too rape-like. Whatever it is, it’s probably going viral.
Enough of this crap, let’s have a little talk about what sexual harassment is. But first, a definition:
Sexual harassment (n.)
a. when a man makes a move on a woman who is not attracted to him
b. a wise and musical panda
Now, early readers of this blog will recall that one of my first-ever posts in the Manosphere was critiquing sexual harassment and enlightening the world on its equivalent, relationship harassment. Yes, I used the panda joke twice. You liked it both times.
But let’s get back to the topic at hand, so I can refresh your memory: sexual harassment is when a man makes a move on a woman who is not attracted to him. Not anything more, and not anything less. Unlike my penis, it’s not an “extension of the patriarchy.”
I’ve often gotten laid with the exact same move at the exact same point in the interaction. However, it doesn’t always work–not even close. Were I to do the exact same thing to three women in one night, the outcomes would be:
Girl 1: Put her hand in my face and shut down immediately
Girl 2: Enjoys that I made the move in such a way, but does not have sex with me
Girl 3: Gets so wet that we fuck less than an hour later
And this is often exactly what happens: you do something a few times until you find someone it works on. I’ve mentioned before that sales is the exact same way, and the analogy serves once again: a typical door-to-door salesman will encounter similar Reds, Yellows and Greens (though generally not with sex involved). One person will slam the door in his face, another will hear him out to be polite, and a third will want to buy halfway through the pitch.
So “sexual harassment” is, in that sense, collateral damage from what an average man must do to get laid. Which brings us quite nicely to my next point:
Men will do whatever we have to in order to get laid.
If we have to talk to 10 or 15 girls before we find one to fuck us, then we will talk to 10 or 15 girls. It’s really that simple. Sexual harassment would cease if women approached men more often, but I don’t live in fantasy land, so that’s not really a possibility worth considering. I do like it when they approach, I imagine all men do.
But the real heart of the issue, the reason I write so many damn articles on the exact same topic, is because many men are very uncalibrated. I go to great lengths trying to teach younger guys how the dating game really works (god knows they don’t listen most of the time) because being uncalibrated both gets them not-laid and upsets the woman. It is crucial to understand female signals (actually that’s the only thing that matters).
In all mammals, sex happens when the female signals for it. Humans are no exception, except that so many male humans (particularly the type with poor or absent father-figures) have no idea what those signals are. Considering that knowledge of these signals is required for our species to propagate and survive, it is clear that what young boys are being shown as role models are actually damaging their ability to live according to their DNA, by filling their minds with useless crap that distracts them from what they need to know. If this is the case for you, I feel you–I had to learn this all myself as well, traveling the country seeking out male role models of various types. Being one’s own father figure is a tough gig that no kid should have.
So the issue is one of being uncalibrated–usually. We cannot avoid the other side of the issue, which is that the vast majority of women will sexually tease weak men in order to get things from them. So those men, who are actually correctly reading the signals but not realizing that women are amoral and solipsistic (and that some of them are very cruel people), make moves that are then called “creepy” only because the woman was faking the interest in the first place.
So it’s on men to recognize signals better, and on women to stop misleading men for personal gain.